I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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