last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
