This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
