so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
