So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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