i need an iv and a liver transplant
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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