yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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