i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
