if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
