How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
