OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
