i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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