remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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