Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
