I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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