battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
