I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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