just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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