i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
