oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize