Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
