Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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