mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
