I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
