you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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