Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
try to milk me bitch
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