The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
