So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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