My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize