Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
