So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
