I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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