They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
