I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
