actually, I'm a sock model
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
