I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We need to rekindle our bromance
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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