if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
