how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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