Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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