maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
