david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
