What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
