I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
