yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
