Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
