Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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