Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
