I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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