so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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