At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
