We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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