I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
