Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
