whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
