just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
