She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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