before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
