Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize