ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
