I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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