you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
