Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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