Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize