I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
