i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
