they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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