I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
