The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
one might say we're banned from that church
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
