I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
